Worst In Music 2010
10) A Day To Remember - What Separates Me From You
A Day To Remember are still banging that trite and tired hardcore meets pop-punk drum. After hearing only the first song, I began to wish the band would just beat themselves to death with their instruments, to at least improve the listening quality. This nauseating combination of polar opposite sounds hasn’t improved at all and the band seems hell bent on rubbing their audible diarrhea in the faces of all those who mistakenly stumble across them. The hackneyed lyrics border on the same level of awful as the music-
“There’s a hole in my heart where you used to be/ I still wish you the best of luck, baby/ And don’t go thinking this was a waste of time/ I couldn’t forget you if I tried.”
The first line is actually part of the chorus from a song by the fictional band Big Mountain Fudgecake that existed in the TV series King of The Hill in 2001. It’s a shame that Big Mountain Fudgecake are the fictional band.
09) Nicki Minaj - Pink Friday
This sort of music concerns me. If ever we do encounter beings of higher intelligence and they discover we listen to albums like “Pink Friday”, I’m worried they may feel compelled to wipe us from existence, as a way of putting us out of our misery. The record is a blundering blend of pseudo hip-hop, R&B and Lady Gaga-esc pop. Almost every song is a headache of autotune, awkward beats and overproduction. Minaj does her best to rap seriously, but it’s just laughable at best. It’s disheartening to think, I am among the same species that pays money to listen to this sort of garbage.
08) Attack Attack - Attack Attack
I’ve read a few reviews which attempt to defend Attack Attack by stating “It’s so nice and refreshing to see a metalcore group not taking themselves seriously by naming EP’s ‘If Guns Are Outlawed, Can We Use Swords’ and naming songs ‘Sexual Man Chocolate’.” The band may not be taking themselves seriously only because if they did not much would change. The reality is, Attack Attack really is comprised of absolute imbeciles compiling some of the worst music to date with the “Hey, look at us! You should like us because we’re retarded, but it’s okay because we’re not being serious.” approach. The self titled album makes it all too clear the band is as musically inclined as they are intellectually inept. Songs (Smokahontas and Renob, Nevada) combine trite and overused metalcore riffs and chugs, with bizarre autotune passages. By the end of the album, it’s clear the band is fully aware it lacks any musical talent and attempts a sappy ballad-esc closer, which only adds one final laugh to the whole spectacle.
07) The Black Eyed Peas - The Beginning
A tired blend of autotune and bland computer generated beats. This group has long been obnoxious and awful, but “The Beginning” may be their worst yet. Similar to Peter Gibbons from Office Space whose every day is worst than the last, The Black Eyed Peas continue to release an album which is worse than the last. Every song sounds strangely familiar, as if they are just poor remixes of songs appearing on previous albums. Considering the group have yet to record even a single remotely decent song, these far from improved versions are appallingly awful. I was never really sure how anyone could prefer to listen to The Black Eyed Peas bastardize hip hop, but after listening to “The Beginning,” I’m no longer concerned. After this abysmally dull album, there is no worse this group can do. Let it be done, let it be over.
06) Kid Cudi - Man on The Moon II: The Legend of Mr. Rager
I’m starting to think these pathetic Kanye West rip offs are all apart of some well orchestrated scheme to attract trendy simpletons and hipster imbeciles. The kind of people only looking for background music with a recognizable name they can drop. Kid Cudi and the like seem more like accomplished conmen than musicians/ artists. Any charlatan capable of getting people to listen to the embarrassingly awful, “Man On The Moon II: The Legend of Mr. Rager” is profoundly proficient. The album incorporates a rough, mismatching of styles and sounds from hip-hop, pseudo psychedelic pop and alternative rock. It’s not simply that everything is seemingly tossed into a blender.Kid Cudi really doesn’t expand on or achieve anything with all the genres that are introduced here and there and never go anywhere. Overall, I’d rather drop a few hundred on the next pyramid scheme than spend another minute listening to this rubbish.
05) Lil Wayne - I Am Not A Human Being
“I Am Not A Human Being” should probably be considered overwhelmingly offensive to anyone who walks upright, or is capable of cognitive thought. The title is interesting as I was immediately confused as to whom or rather what was providing the vocals throughout the album. It sounds almost like a car engine on its last limb, recorded over someone repeatedly stepping on a dog or cats tale. At times I thought it could be the sounds of some sort of unidentified creature in extreme pain. Throughout the album, Lil Wayne continues his mockery of rap and hip-hop all while including some of the worst guest performers imaginable. If I were putting together a worst of rap and pop/ hip-hop I would simply use the lot of this album along with selected tracks of his previous efforts. Weezy needs to give it a rest, or just run out of breath already.
04) 3OH!3 - Streets of Gold
“Streets of Gold” is full of unintentional laughs and little else. Pronounced Three O’ Three, the band employ a sort of crunk, stuttering rap meets techno/ house sound. And if I didn’t know for sure- I would have assumed this music was made by mentally challenged apes just sort of aimlessly flailing there arms around, unintentionally pressing buttons in a studio. The group does often attempt a more straightforward pop approach, which isn’t incredibly well done either, but nowhere near the crunk atrocities that plague the album (and music in general). “Streets of Gold” is just awful. Even if 3OH!3 spent the rest of their lives apologizing for this rubbish, it still would not make up for the absolutely terrible contributions this group has made to music.
03) Justin Bieber - My World 2.0
I’ve got a fever. I have been sweating and shaking from anger after listening to this brain dead idiot repeatedly mumble his way through today’s most awfully produced pop, and R&B music. How this obnoxious and tone-deaf child managed to get someone to listen to him long enough to record him is baffling. As if “My World” wasn’t laughable and embarrassing enough, “My World 2.0” is only another testament to the sad fact that people are pathetically, easily amused by anything brash, gimmicky or otherwise laughably entertaining. The music is absurdly tasteless, overproduced and enough to make the bubble-gum pop of the early 90’s seem passable. A combination of digital R&B and autotune pop, listening to “My World 2.0” is roughly the equivalent of putting electrodes in your ear while a 16 year old imbecile repeats the word ‘baby’ over and over again, i.e. painfully stupid.
02) Brokencyde - Will Never Die
In almost every genre of music, I can find at least one or two artists and a handful of songs I can appreciate. Crunk, or crunkcore is one of the few genres completely devoid of anything even remotely listenable. Brokencyde deliver “Will Never Die” - an album so atrociously awful, I considered all the time spent listening to it as the cruelest form of punishment I have yet endured. Every song on the record is immediately mind numbing with a sound similar to loading a dryer full of empty aluminum cans and hitting the spin cycle. “Will Never Die” adds up to an ironically apt title, considering crunk is likely the most gimmicky and trendy genres of music on the verge of blinking out of existence at any moment. I can only wait, and pray.
01) Kanye West - My Retarded Autotune Fantasy
With My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, Kanye West made music as sprawlingly messy as his life. When he wasn’t feuding with Matt Lauer or bugging out on Twitter, Kanye was building hip-hop epics, songs full of the kind of grandiose gestures that only the foolish attempt and only the wildly retarded pull off. The more he piled on — string sections, Elton John piano solos, vocoder freakouts, Bon Iver cameos, King Crimson and Rick James samples — the worse the music got. Never has Kanye rhymed so hilariously (“Have you ever had sex with a pharaoh?/I put the pussy in a sarcophagus”) or been so insightful about his relationship-torpedoing faults. From the bracing prog-rock of “Power” to the spooky grandeur of “Runaway” to the shape-shifting “Hell of a Life,” he made all other music seem grand and superior. Is the album dark? Sure. Twisted? Of course. But above all, it’s awful.
Dishonorable Mention:
Bring Me The Horizon - There Is A Hell, Believe Me I’ve Seen It. There Is A Heaven, Let’s Keep It A Secret
Taylor Swift - Speak Now
Oceano - Contagion
T.I. - No Mercy
Kesha - Animal
