Worst In Music 2011
10) Kelly Clarkson – Stronger
American Idol continues to be a celebration of mediocrity aimed at tired housewives and people more concerned with the popularity of something rather than the quality. Kelly Clarkson’s latest album “Stronger” suffers from the usual Pop music symptoms; banal lyrics, thick studio effects and a flashy demeanor intended to compensate for a lack of depth. The American Idol winner sings through autotune over a lackluster computer generated beat and unsuccessfully tries again and again to find that hackneyed hit- that one that plays on the radio one-hundred times a day to people that only have it on to counteract silence. “Stronger” for all that it isn’t, seems to know exactly what it is- background music.
09) Bon Iver - S/T
The amount of hype and praise Bon Iver’s 2011 self-titled record has received is bewildering. The album sounds sort of like a guy on a sidewalk hopped up on a 3-day heroin binge with about a fifth of vodka in his bloodstream, rambling off nonsense and strumming a guitar. The music seems to be composed at random (or ‘experimental’ if you believe the hipster penned press for this album), and because of that there are interesting moments. But these moments are brief and too far in-between the more comical, high-pitched yelps and jangly campfire guitar. Ultimately, it’s difficult to listen to this record without thinking about how hard it tries to sound old-timey and artsy.
08) Fucked Up – David Comes To Life
Similar to a painting that has been put up against a wall and had various different colors of paint aimlessly hurled at it, “David Comes To Life” is a concept album that is supposed to convey depth and creativity. Instead both pieces of art are superfluously complicated and muddled to a nauseating degree. And while the painting and Fucked Up’s 78 minute rock opera may be copiously layered, the layers are meaningless because they were haphazardly produced. There is no measure of subtlety and neither work of art is at all concise- instead it seems the creator is more concerned with what appears to be artistic rather than creating art.
07) Jennifer Lopez – LOVE?
The abashedly titled “LOVE?” is an uncomfortably tacky clone of every subpar Pop album of the last ten years. Jennifer Lopez combines an abhorrent amount of autotune and recycled computer generated dance beats with mostly unintentionally comical lyrics.
Good Hit
I’m so dope from head to toe. Armed and big, I drop it low. On the ground, I put it down. Round and round yeah here we go…
Got that New York swagger, Miami bass. Got my California Loub’s on, all up in your face. Yeah I’m mid-west pimp tight, Texas fire. Don’t you want me to have your babies. Don’t you wish I was your Boo
It’s obvious that Lopez is aiming for club music, so the lyrical content is clearly not the focal point. However, the music is just as cringeworthy, especially on songs featuring less than appealing guests (On The Floor – feat. Pitbull, I’m Into You – feat. Lil Wayne). The overall problem stems from the fact that Lopez is regurgitating music that wasn’t any good in its first incarnation, or second for that matter.
06) The Bunny The Bear – If You Don’t Have Anything Nice To Say
Conveying excessive violence is thought to be potentially dangerous, especially in regards to children. However, it could be argued that excessive stupidity is just as precarious. And since it’s quite clear that “If You Don’t Have Anything Nice To Say” is aimed at pre-teens and younger, the album could be detrimental. It’s rare that after four years and two albums, a group cannot succeed at any one aspect of music. Alas, The Bunny The Bear combine laughably muddled keyboards, a trite Hardcore / Metal approach with an obnoxiously awful attempt at experimentalism. The contrasting clean and screamed vocals are perhaps the most obvious weak point, adding yet another bit of unintended humor to the groups trademark brand of (potentially dangerous) idiocy.
05) Skrillex – More Monsters And Sprites
Technology often has the ability to make life easier. The automobile and airplane have revolutionized travel. The computer has changed and enhanced almost every aspect of life. However, technology does not always change things for the better. In the case of music, the computer has allowed anyone to create, record and share his or her music. In the case of Skrillex, the computer has allowed Sunny John Moore to create the audible equivalent to a seizure. With 2011’s EP “More Monsters And Sprites”, Skrillex continues its computer generated vomit inducing dubstep. There are no instruments, there aren’t really any vocals- it’s just Sonny Moore indiscriminately throwing together nauseating electronic elements, such as schizophrenic bass lines and assorted drum patterns. The EP does feature a few different remixes of the title song from the previous EP (Scary Monsters And Nice Sprites), but it’s unfortunately more of the same from a different take. It seems the perfect sort of music for those that suffer from ADD, as the amount of attention required to create this type music is equally deficient.
04) Lil Wayne - Tha Carter IV
It’s difficult to determine what is most troubling about “Tha Carter IV.” Musically, the album is a comical bastardization of Rap, Hip-Hop and autotuned Pop. However, if one were to look deeper- Lil Wayne seems to be following a strategic outline over the course of the album and his career. The strategy seems to be; if you are just smart enough to realize that you have no talent, skill or intellectual ability- it is best to proclaim loudly and obtusely that you are actually the greatest and most talented individual in your field. It typically helps to develop a gimmick, or use as many random devices such as intentionally spelling words incorrectly to demonstrate your “creative” ability. Also, dressing and behaving like a chemically imbalanced mental patient will convince people of moderate or low intelligence that you are interesting, or unique. Lastly, in response to any and all criticism or disregard, make sure to always respond with the banal and overtly inane expression “Haters gonna hate.” Note the phrases tactical use of improper grammar and overall vacant connotation. “Tha Carter IV” is a brilliant display of obnoxious and inadequate music, strategically dressed up with all the usual studio effects and polarizing gimmickry.
03) T-Pain – Revolver
Faheem Rasheed Najm, or T-Pain is most well known for his extensive use of autotune- the abhorrent pitch correction effect often used by Rappers or Pop singers devoid of talent. Faheem even has a toy microphone available in stores called the “I Am T-Pain Mic” which transforms even the most capable vocalist into a loathsome annoyance. On “Revolver”, Rasheed attempts to display his evolution as an artist. However, it is quickly apparent that Najm has achieved entirely the opposite. What little bit of shock value existed early on, has quickly worn off. The same way people often laugh at a joke simply because of how terribly awful and unfunny it is- T-Pain’s lyrical blundering, shoddy electronic beats and comically abundant amount of guest performers aren’t even worth laughing at anymore. And finally as Jay-Z put it
D.O.A. (Death of Autotune)
This is anti autotune, death of the ringtone,
This ain’t for iTunes, this ain’t for sing alongs
I know we facing a recession
But the music y’all making going to make it the great depression
I just don’t need nobody to smile on this
You niggas singing too much
Get back to rap you t-paining too much
02) Metallica / Lou Reed – Lulu
A collaboration as fitting as tomato soup and strawberry ice cream- Metallica and Lou Reed unite to release “Lulu”, a concept album based on two plays originally written by Frank Wedekind. Metallica’s dated metal approach combined with Lou Reed’s hoarse spoken word vocals make for an excruciating 90-minute experience. It’s difficult to believe either contributor is satisfied with the albums outcome. Instead, it seems more likely that “Lulu” is an attempt to cash-in on each artist’s recognition. The idea being that both Metallica’s and Lou Reed’s fans will purchase the record, regardless of its quality. Additionally, this record can be used as a guide to figuring out which (music review) sources are credible, as anyone that reviewed this album in a positive light has obviously either been paid to do so or is most likely mentally deficient.
01) Insane Clown Posse / Jack White – Leck Mich Im Arsch
This is it- the record that all awful music will be measured against for all eternity. Jack White, of The White Stripes came to the Insane Clown Posse with the idea for the 7” single version of Mozart’s Classical canon. On his own, Jack White is an overrated but tolerable guitarist. ICP however reach new levels of stupidity with every subsequent release. But, it’s the bizarrely mismatched combination of the pretentious and egocentric Jack White with the celebrated white trash Rap of ICP that make this record so remarkably detestable. It’s difficult to imagine a time where something more abhorrent than Jack White and ICP’s version of “Leck Mich Im Arsch” is recorded.
Panic! At The Disco - Vices & Virtues
Black Veil Brides - Set The World On Fire
Iwrestledabearonce - Ruining It For Everybody
Emmure - Speaker of The Dead
Volumes - Via
