10) The Exploited - Punks Not Dead
09) The Vibrators - Pure Mania
08) Bad Brains - S/T
07) Minor Threat - Out of Step
06) X-Ray Spex - Germfree Adolescents
04) Bad Religion - How Could Hell Be Any Worse?
03) CRASS - Feeding of The 5000
—No, Bleeding Kansas, We Will Not Cyber With You
3D Films
This is not new technology. We’ve had “Honey, I Shrunk The Audience” for years, and it’s not even one of the better attractions at Disneyland. Beyond being a gimmicky marketing trend implemented solely so theaters and studios can charge more money per ticket- the quality is almost always awful and detracts from the film. And you have to sit there like an idiot wearing those stupid plastic glasses for an hour and a half or more.
Tim Tebow
His name is almost as annoying as his speeches and his persona. It’s a good thing I don’t watch or care about Football, because the more I hear about this guy the more I begin to shake with anger.
American Idol
Almost solely responsible for trivializing music. America is so concerned about fame and who the next big “star” is going to be, music is simply an afterthought. It’s sickening.
McDonalds
People are so eager for something fast and cheap that they are willing to pay for food that is barely edible. Priorities cannot possibly be more out of line.
Minivans
Remove your oversized, front wheel drive eyesore from the road and stop having so many children.
Jersey Shore
If the show consisted of each member repeatedly getting punched in the face, I’d be a huge fan.
People that haven’t figured out that:
an ≠ and
all of the sudden ≠ all of a sudden
u ≠ you
lil ≠ little
Ron Paul
A doctor that doesn’t believe in the theory of evolution. Claims a handful of racist articles were ghostwritten. Thinks Global Warming is a hoax. Etc.
TMZ
I can’t wait for the day that the guy that runs this retarded operation gets his picture taken, naked with a transgendered prostitute and a face full of cocaine.
The Twilight Series
Tremendously trite story and some of the most unintentionally comical dialogue. The fact that this series has made any money at all is evidence that society is not progressing, but in fact, regressing.
Maroon 5
This band succeeds in making music both obnoxious and infuriating. If you don’t cringe and feel the need to punch the singer in the mouth every time you’re able to make out some of the lyrics, you may want to be concerned.
Ben Affleck
Gigli.
Dub Step
I’m reasonably sure this entire genre is simply audio recordings of computers vomiting.
Homophobia
Whether you’re reasons are religiously motivated or you are simply ignorant and confused- you are wrong and a blemish upon humanity.
Juggalos
Whether you’re actually an ICP fan or simply a clown just trying to make a living- you are an idiot and a blemish upon humanity.
10) Beastie Boys – Hot Sauce Committee II
The Beastie Boys have always employed a fun, clever and distinctively catchy take on Rap and Hip-Hop. “Hot Sauce Committee II” sounds more like the groups boisterous early material rather than their more recent, artistically inclined instrumental album, “The Mix-Up.” And it’s in the funky, sarcastic and incendiary approach that the Beastie Boys shine. On their 2011 album, the trio once again create that brilliant blend of party Rock and Rap that’s made them a long standing and interesting group. With punchy production (Say It), a subversive attitude (Lee Majors Come Again) and songs as toungue in cheek as ever (Funky Donkey), the Beastie Boys have provided a record that will accessibly appeal to people of all musical tastes and preferences.
09) Cave In – White Silence
Cave In released the “Planets of Old” EP in 2009, ending their three year hiatus. The EP picked up where the band had left off with “Perfect Pitch Black”, displaying their unique ability to blend Metal, Hardcore and melodic Space Rock. With 2011’s “White Silence” Cave In continues to favor acute songwriting over maintaining a certain image or expected sound. Well known for their dramatic progression and varying approach to music, Cave In’s latest effort showcases their most dramatic experimentation. The album features some of the bands heaviest and most aggressive music to date, as well as melding Folk and Indie Rock with their trademark Space Rock undercurrent. While “White Silence” may not be the bands masterpiece, it is certainly a welcome addition to a renowned discography.
08) Seven Sisters of Sleep / Children of God
There are no cautious attempts to be artsy, there are no delicacies spaired, there is no melody present whatsoever. On 2011’s split with Children of God, Seven Sisters of Sleep futher develop their dark and vicious approach to Metal. Crafting heavy, escalating riffs with blistering vocals and the raw, rhythmic intensity of Hardcore Punk. The band is as erie as they are heavy from the first song until their last. Children of God equally balance a frentic thrash approach with a brooding sludge and doom Metal sound. The bands ability to construct monstrous riffs which accordingly erupt into menacing vocals and captivating rhythms is commendable. Furthermore, these two bands display the perfect combination of raw, uncompromising and unpolished Hardcore that is constantly being buried by infantile hipsters mixing gimmicky trends with trite overproduction.
07) Ghostlimb – Infastucture
“Infastructure” is Ghoslimb’s third full length- an impressive and profoundly intelligent record. The music is well thought out, the song structures are unique and the vocals are as harsh as the lyrics are insightful. Accompying every song is an exceptionally detailed description of the lyrics, explaining the content and subject matter. For instance, the first on the album:
Construction
the truth of the matter is anything is possible had you not seen it all from birth and bled it of its strangeness it would appear for what it is a fetishized novelty a fevered dream having neither analogue nor precedent it’s not constrained by any latitude the order in the air you see is only what you put there like a string in a maze so you don’t lose your way and although I want it to reason can’t always be that eagle clutching a paralytic snake
Construction Explanation
Rational objectivity and reason are important cantilevers in society. Cultural constructs are built over centuries, influenced by things as disparate as religion, ritual, fear, ideas of providence, etc. In an illogical world, these things give people some type of comforted footing. Although I invariably side with reason, the placating web of convention does not provide answers as an end-all, and at many times is contrary to rationality; thus it should be examined with the same critical eye.
Musically, the band combine the aggressive approach of Black Flag with the passion and ingenuity of Fugazi. Ghostlimb’s contribution to 2011 stands out because of its tight composition and because of it’s ability to display such a degree of musical intensity and lyrical comprehension.
06) New Lows – Harvest of The Carcass
From the feeback laden opener (Stagnant Strides), it should be evident that New Lows play a particularly fervent form of crust Punk and metallic Hardcore. Though there are plenty of bands playing similar music, few bands are able to match New Lows’ intensity and cohesive vigor. With only a demo and a 7” EP before their 2011 full length debut, the band has already displayed a mastering of their style. The bands influences may be obvious (Ringworm, Integrity), but they have embedded their signature within their sound. “Harvest of The Carcass” crafts elaborate riffs with charging rhythms which makes for a relentless pace and memorable experience.
05) Alpinist / Masakari
In many cases, split releases are thrown together to feature at least two different artist’s songs that did not make it onto the band’s offical releases. The obvious idea is to attract two different audiences to one release. However this often backfires, mainly due to a mismatching of songs / artists or because the songs were left off the bands official releases for good reason. None of the aforementioned is true on the 2011 split with Alpinist and Masakari. Both bands combine to create a profound and adept full length, which perfectly compliment each other’s form of metallic Hardcore and crust Punk. Alpinist display the more intensive and structured songwriting, while Masakari employ a more raw and unrefined, yet distinctive sound. On either side of the record, it seems obvious that both bands hold d-beat pioneers, Discharge in high regard. And it is because each band is uniquelly dedicated to their sound that the record stands out not only among split releases, but most offical releases as well.
04) Wormrot – Dirge
In 2009 Wormrot were an unsigned Grind band from Singapore. December of that year, Digby Pearson of Earache Records downloaded their full length, “Abuse” and liked what he heard. Impressed, Pearson signed Wormrot to the Earache label in January 2010. The band released the “Decibel Flexi Series” 7” the free 10” “Noise EP” and one full length “Dirge” in 2011. Wormrot are notable not only for their profound work ethic, but also their ideology. The band has made all their material availabe for free digital download as well as shipping their most recent “Noise EP” on 10” vinyl for free to anyone who contacts their record label, Earache and provides a shipping address (they are currently asking for $5.00 to cover shipping expenses). On the bands latest full length “Dirge” Wormrot have further developed their brand of dissolute and intense Grindcore. While this is the type of music sure to garner strange looks from passing cars and complaints from elderly reletives, Wormrot does do a few things differently than most bands in the genre. The clear and audible production is contrary to the distinct lo-fi sound of most Grind records. And the technical profiency is unusual among the more common chaotic musicianship found in the genre. However, it is possible that because Wormrot have choosen to ignore some of the traditional Grind traits as well as adding their own prolific intensity that “Dirge” is as remarkably distinguished as it is.
03) Full of Hell – Roots of Earth Are Consuming My Home
When someone describes music as loud and isn’t reffering to the volume, or when someone describes a band or record as heavy, but isn’t talking about that retarded bass boom effect- this is that music. Full of Hell blend intense metallic Hardcore with crust Punk. “Roots of Earth…” is the bands first full length, which is surprising considering the sort of focused aggression that appears in each song. The band continuesly shifts from slow, rhythmic sludge Metal to maniacal Hardcore Punk and does so with erie precision. Many bands that attempt to play a similar type of music are often content to rehash simple song structures and include as much feedback as possible, just hoping to release a banal noise record. Full of Hell, however, seem to have crafted a dark and intricate record- one that is both astonishingly frentic and especially memorable.
02) Beady Eye – Different Gear, Still Speeding
Oasis broke up in 2009, and unfortunately this time it stuck. The band ultimately decided to continue on however, under a new name and without former key songwriter, guitarist Noel Gallagher. Beady Eye’s debut “Different Gear, Still Speeding” isn’t an attempt to coast on their previous bands hype and sound. Instead, the band focuses on their 60’s influences, mixing psychadelic rock with frontman Liam Gallagher’s trademark vocals and proficient songwriting. The record features impassioned piano riffs and souful backup singers (Bring The Light), exuberant harmonika (Wind Dream) and a timeless rock n’ roll rhythm (Four Letter Word). Beady Eye succeed where most mainstream rock bands fail- in place of trite studio-effects or an overeager hippy-like approach, the band demonstrates brilliant musicianship, exceptional songwriting and a symbolic sound.
01) Dum Dum Girls – Only In Dreams
It’s rare that a band is both popular and sincere. In most cases, people want music that doesn’t make you think too much. Music that is fun and catchy but is equally simple and doesn’t attempt to really say much or change anything. The Dum Dum Girls are a band that are as captivating as they are gratifying. The group started out with the more raw and exploratory “I Will Be” but has now refined their brilliant mix of 60’s pop, Ramones-esc Punk and Indie Pop on 2011’s “Only In Dreams.” The album displays a focused depth- varying from slow and emotionally gripping passages to catchy and rythmic delights, while Dee Dee, the groups vocalist and founder, demonstrates an impressive passion in both her lyical content and delivery. It is the bands mastered ability to combine crisp songwriting with insightful lyrics and a beautifully vivid approach that makes the record both memorable and noteworthy.
Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds – S/T
Gridlink – Orphan
Ringworm - Scars
The Black Keys – El Camino
Starfucker – Reptillians
10) Kelly Clarkson – Stronger
American Idol continues to be a celebration of mediocrity aimed at tired housewives and people more concerned with the popularity of something rather than the quality. Kelly Clarkson’s latest album “Stronger” suffers from the usual Pop music symptoms; banal lyrics, thick studio effects and a flashy demeanor intended to compensate for a lack of depth. The American Idol winner sings through autotune over a lackluster computer generated beat and unsuccessfully tries again and again to find that hackneyed hit- that one that plays on the radio one-hundred times a day to people that only have it on to counteract silence. “Stronger” for all that it isn’t, seems to know exactly what it is- background music.
09) Bon Iver - S/T
The amount of hype and praise Bon Iver’s 2011 self-titled record has received is bewildering. The album sounds sort of like a guy on a sidewalk hopped up on a 3-day heroin binge with about a fifth of vodka in his bloodstream, rambling off nonsense and strumming a guitar. The music seems to be composed at random (or ‘experimental’ if you believe the hipster penned press for this album), and because of that there are interesting moments. But these moments are brief and too far in-between the more comical, high-pitched yelps and jangly campfire guitar. Ultimately, it’s difficult to listen to this record without thinking about how hard it tries to sound old-timey and artsy.
08) Fucked Up – David Comes To Life
Similar to a painting that has been put up against a wall and had various different colors of paint aimlessly hurled at it, “David Comes To Life” is a concept album that is supposed to convey depth and creativity. Instead both pieces of art are superfluously complicated and muddled to a nauseating degree. And while the painting and Fucked Up’s 78 minute rock opera may be copiously layered, the layers are meaningless because they were haphazardly produced. There is no measure of subtlety and neither work of art is at all concise- instead it seems the creator is more concerned with what appears to be artistic rather than creating art.
07) Jennifer Lopez – LOVE?
The abashedly titled “LOVE?” is an uncomfortably tacky clone of every subpar Pop album of the last ten years. Jennifer Lopez combines an abhorrent amount of autotune and recycled computer generated dance beats with mostly unintentionally comical lyrics.
Good Hit
I’m so dope from head to toe. Armed and big, I drop it low. On the ground, I put it down. Round and round yeah here we go…
Got that New York swagger, Miami bass. Got my California Loub’s on, all up in your face. Yeah I’m mid-west pimp tight, Texas fire. Don’t you want me to have your babies. Don’t you wish I was your Boo
It’s obvious that Lopez is aiming for club music, so the lyrical content is clearly not the focal point. However, the music is just as cringeworthy, especially on songs featuring less than appealing guests (On The Floor – feat. Pitbull, I’m Into You – feat. Lil Wayne). The overall problem stems from the fact that Lopez is regurgitating music that wasn’t any good in its first incarnation, or second for that matter.
06) The Bunny The Bear – If You Don’t Have Anything Nice To Say
Conveying excessive violence is thought to be potentially dangerous, especially in regards to children. However, it could be argued that excessive stupidity is just as precarious. And since it’s quite clear that “If You Don’t Have Anything Nice To Say” is aimed at pre-teens and younger, the album could be detrimental. It’s rare that after four years and two albums, a group cannot succeed at any one aspect of music. Alas, The Bunny The Bear combine laughably muddled keyboards, a trite Hardcore / Metal approach with an obnoxiously awful attempt at experimentalism. The contrasting clean and screamed vocals are perhaps the most obvious weak point, adding yet another bit of unintended humor to the groups trademark brand of (potentially dangerous) idiocy.
05) Skrillex – More Monsters And Sprites
Technology often has the ability to make life easier. The automobile and airplane have revolutionized travel. The computer has changed and enhanced almost every aspect of life. However, technology does not always change things for the better. In the case of music, the computer has allowed anyone to create, record and share his or her music. In the case of Skrillex, the computer has allowed Sunny John Moore to create the audible equivalent to a seizure. With 2011’s EP “More Monsters And Sprites”, Skrillex continues its computer generated vomit inducing dubstep. There are no instruments, there aren’t really any vocals- it’s just Sonny Moore indiscriminately throwing together nauseating electronic elements, such as schizophrenic bass lines and assorted drum patterns. The EP does feature a few different remixes of the title song from the previous EP (Scary Monsters And Nice Sprites), but it’s unfortunately more of the same from a different take. It seems the perfect sort of music for those that suffer from ADD, as the amount of attention required to create this type music is equally deficient.
04) Lil Wayne - Tha Carter IV
It’s difficult to determine what is most troubling about “Tha Carter IV.” Musically, the album is a comical bastardization of Rap, Hip-Hop and autotuned Pop. However, if one were to look deeper- Lil Wayne seems to be following a strategic outline over the course of the album and his career. The strategy seems to be; if you are just smart enough to realize that you have no talent, skill or intellectual ability- it is best to proclaim loudly and obtusely that you are actually the greatest and most talented individual in your field. It typically helps to develop a gimmick, or use as many random devices such as intentionally spelling words incorrectly to demonstrate your “creative” ability. Also, dressing and behaving like a chemically imbalanced mental patient will convince people of moderate or low intelligence that you are interesting, or unique. Lastly, in response to any and all criticism or disregard, make sure to always respond with the banal and overtly inane expression “Haters gonna hate.” Note the phrases tactical use of improper grammar and overall vacant connotation. “Tha Carter IV” is a brilliant display of obnoxious and inadequate music, strategically dressed up with all the usual studio effects and polarizing gimmickry.
03) T-Pain – Revolver
Faheem Rasheed Najm, or T-Pain is most well known for his extensive use of autotune- the abhorrent pitch correction effect often used by Rappers or Pop singers devoid of talent. Faheem even has a toy microphone available in stores called the “I Am T-Pain Mic” which transforms even the most capable vocalist into a loathsome annoyance. On “Revolver”, Rasheed attempts to display his evolution as an artist. However, it is quickly apparent that Najm has achieved entirely the opposite. What little bit of shock value existed early on, has quickly worn off. The same way people often laugh at a joke simply because of how terribly awful and unfunny it is- T-Pain’s lyrical blundering, shoddy electronic beats and comically abundant amount of guest performers aren’t even worth laughing at anymore. And finally as Jay-Z put it
D.O.A. (Death of Autotune)
This is anti autotune, death of the ringtone,
This ain’t for iTunes, this ain’t for sing alongs
I know we facing a recession
But the music y’all making going to make it the great depression
I just don’t need nobody to smile on this
You niggas singing too much
Get back to rap you t-paining too much
02) Metallica / Lou Reed – Lulu
A collaboration as fitting as tomato soup and strawberry ice cream- Metallica and Lou Reed unite to release “Lulu”, a concept album based on two plays originally written by Frank Wedekind. Metallica’s dated metal approach combined with Lou Reed’s hoarse spoken word vocals make for an excruciating 90-minute experience. It’s difficult to believe either contributor is satisfied with the albums outcome. Instead, it seems more likely that “Lulu” is an attempt to cash-in on each artist’s recognition. The idea being that both Metallica’s and Lou Reed’s fans will purchase the record, regardless of its quality. Additionally, this record can be used as a guide to figuring out which (music review) sources are credible, as anyone that reviewed this album in a positive light has obviously either been paid to do so or is most likely mentally deficient.
01) Insane Clown Posse / Jack White – Leck Mich Im Arsch
This is it- the record that all awful music will be measured against for all eternity. Jack White, of The White Stripes came to the Insane Clown Posse with the idea for the 7” single version of Mozart’s Classical canon. On his own, Jack White is an overrated but tolerable guitarist. ICP however reach new levels of stupidity with every subsequent release. But, it’s the bizarrely mismatched combination of the pretentious and egocentric Jack White with the celebrated white trash Rap of ICP that make this record so remarkably detestable. It’s difficult to imagine a time where something more abhorrent than Jack White and ICP’s version of “Leck Mich Im Arsch” is recorded.
Panic! At The Disco - Vices & Virtues
Black Veil Brides - Set The World On Fire
Iwrestledabearonce - Ruining It For Everybody
Emmure - Speaker of The Dead
Volumes - Via
